Centerfold models never get headaches

Playboy emperor Hugh Hefner, 62, may be the happiest married manin the world if his plans to wed Kimberley Conrad, 24, becomereality.

Centerfolds never get headaches thanks to a chemical reactionthat occurs in their brains when they see their bodies displayed nudein Playboy.

Realization that they are the embodiment of modern femaleperfection triggers reflex actions of submission deemed ideal byplayboys of all ages. Conforming to sensual dreams and fantasies ofadoring males is the least these goddesses of love can grant meremortals.

As for mundane problems that plague the rest of us - cooking,messy bathrooms, throwing out garbage, money, wrinkling, sagging,careers, etc. - Hef has them solved. His mansion has a chef,waiters, multiple bathrooms, maids, credit cards galore,hairdressers, plastic surgeons waiting. No tacky chenille robes, nobad breath, no burnt toast, no headaches to mar Hefner's heaven.

Money can buy him happiness. Oscar Wilde said it best: "When Iwas young I thought money was the most important thing in life. Nowthat I am old I know that it is." Gossip, gossip, gossip

One of the great ladies' men of all time finally is gettingdumped by his long-suffering wife because his latest escapade lefthim all wet! Seems he was making love in the cabin of his unlightedboat, which was drifting in Lake Michigan, when an ore ship rippedoff his entire top deck, missing his head by inches.

Rich bachelor banker Robert Hershenhorn and stunning redheadKathy Perlmutter have discovered each other.

Who will buy the two opulent penthouses atop 219 E. Lake ShoreDr. after banker George Sax and Peter Morris of VMS developersrestore this elegant building to gilt-edged perfection? MorrisSpringer finally sold this dormant gem and renovation, with parkingspaces, starts within a month. Sax has long coveted this prime condotarget because he was raised on that prestigious block. Report on the rich and famous

Hot new flick, "Tucker: The Man and His Dream," is a must-seefor actress/artist Cynthia (Mrs. Charles) Olson. She dated PrestonTucker's son, Noble, when the auto tycoon's family lived at 999 N.Lake Shore Dr. Edgar Fronteras, Cynthia's dad, brought his wife andkids to the United States because he was a British jet propulsionengineer recruited by Tucker. Like so many other investors, he losthis fortune when the dream died.

Will Liza Minelli receive in person her Sarah Siddons statuettefor Actress of the Year at the Oct. 12 gala hosted by the society?Liza will be performing with Frank Sinatra and Sammy Davis Jr. at theChicago Theatre that week.

Patrick Foley, Hyatt Hotels honcho, won the Scottish Seniorsgolf title while he and gorgeous wife, Paula, were vacationing inEngland and Scotland. Now they're off to a Foley family reunion inKelso, Wash.

Photographer Victor Skrebneski's dream came true. He wasallowed to take pix for Town & Country magazine in Coco Chanel'sfabulous apartment "above the store" and across from her rooms at theRitz, in Paris. Coco's famous suede sofa stars in Victor's 10-pageNovember layout with "definitive photos" of the designing genius'home base. While in Paris, Skrebneski attended the Givenchy opening."Very sexy clothes," reports Victor. And LaCroix? "Like a MariaMontez tribute but drop-dead for entrance making."

Actor Dabney Coleman of "Slap Maxwell" TV fame, loved his musicand partied with Johnny Frigo at Toulouse after the historic Cubnight game.

Sailing this summer in the Greek Islands aboard their poshsailboat, The Odyssey, are Irene and Anthony Antoniou. He's owner ofKnickerbocker and Abbey Hotels, and Anvan Development Corp. They havefound the Aegean so beautiful and unpolluted, they won't return untilLabor Day. News of the glitterati

Kritzia Boutique will open this fall on the first floor of theOne Mag Mile Shops, owned by Hope Rudnick, manager of the StanleyKorshak salon on the second floor.

Joe McHugh opens his art-filled apartment on Lincoln Park WestWednesday for an "insider's party" for the Auxiliary Board of thePresident's Council of the School of the Art Institute.

"Must" place to have fun Thursday is the Traffic Jam fashionshow/bash for House of Good Shepherd with every gorgeous guy and galin town attending. Tickets are $75 and can be purchased at the door.

American Ballet Theatre's glamor gathering in the Civic OperaHouse (to envision grande dames in the expensive and dazzling formalgowns from Saks) drew 250. Patricia Callahan, who planned thecocktail party, created a special evening. Guests included the BenStevensons, the Phil Thomases, the Frank Klimleys, the RichardCoopers, Geraldine Freund, Cynthia Simpson, Betty Reneker and CarolPatt.

Jim Levin of Versace and Buddy Alper of Alper-Richman Furs drew1,200 to Traffic Jam for a show of the latest for fashionablefast-trackers. In the crowd were Bob Hershenhorn, Joey Carlino,Fannie Wilson, Joy Sandler, Nadine Feinstein, Tricia Chaplin, JovannaPapadakis, Zoe Architect, Allyn Miller, Ann Ahlborn, the DomDiFriscos and Mark Heister.

Nick Nickolas is in Europe with daughter Nesha and son Ian, buthis capable staff hosted the 1,000 Manufacturer Hanover Challengesurvivors who limped over from Grank Park to dance and celebrateThursday after their run. . . . Flair's Bob Bright flew toBirmingham, England, to sign up top athletes at British OlympicTrials for Old Style Marathon preview Aug. 21, which will aid Boysand Girls Clubs of Chicago.

Evans opens its renovated fur salon Tuesday with a party to honorfriends of the Consular Ball, which will be Oct. 15 at the Hilton.Bob Meltzer, president of Evans, is expecting VIPs from city andburbs to see his classy new pelt paradise.